My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
