I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
