I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
