I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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