my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
