you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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