So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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