I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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