tell your sister to shave her snatch
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
