i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
