none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
