return my video game
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
