I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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