Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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