Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
