Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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