So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
