capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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