So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
