well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
