I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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