I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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