hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
