I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
