i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize