ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Text me some of your sweat
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
