Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
