they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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