the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
