Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
