There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
