Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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