Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
