I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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