Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
