i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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