Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
