Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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