So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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