he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize