one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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