meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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