in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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