Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
