every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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