none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
even my farts smell like vagina
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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