White coat. Heels.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
