Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
