Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
