Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
