I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
