she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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