I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
