Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do vagina's smell?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
