since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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