did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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