Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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