Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
